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Hey guys, I got four shows to cover today, so let’s just GO! GO! GO!
Monday Night Raw from Norfolk, VA: December 12, 2011
Tonight was the Slammy Awards, a useless gimmick nowadays. I’m in a rush, so no real analysis.
Jim Ross won for “Tell Me I Did Not Just See That” Moment of the Year. JR had a rap-off with Michael Cole for the Slammy that was just awful. Well, JR can’t be good at EVERYTHING, I guess. Cole got his lines right, but it was still just a bore and didn’t need to happen. Somewhere, Drew McIntyre was thinking “this is what I lose screen time to?”
The “Holy Bleep” moment of the year went to the Big Show/Mark Henry superplex that blew up the ring.
The Big Show def. Wade Barrett via DQ
A lousy match that did nothing good for either man and didn’t really advance any storyline.
ROAD DOGG JESSE JAMES announces the “Pipe Bomb of the Year” award to CM Punk for, well, naming the award. He had a lot of fun at John Laurinitus’s expense with a manniquen… and ruined the song “You Got The Touch” from the Transformers movie for the foreseeable future for me. Thanks, Punk.
The “Divalicious Moment of the Year was presented by Lita, ironic since the winner of the award, Kelly Kelly (for winning the Diva’s Championship) can’t actually wrestle while Lita can. This one I’ll focus a bit on. The other three nominations was Natalya doing a double sharpshooter on LayCool, which was awesome, Kharma destroying Michelle McCool, which was fun, and Beth Phoenix doing a Glam Slam on Eve from the top rope, which was especially awesome and probably the best thing the Divas Division did all year. Kelly winning the title from Brie Bella… was pathetic. Neither Diva could wrestle, neither are interesting, and only one of them I’d say is entirely attractive. But that’s the problem with the Divas Division, isn’t it? Today, the WWE Divas are about being centerfolds and eye candy and not about competing in the ring. Say what you will about women like Trish Stratus, Torrie Wilson, Lita, Melina, Gail Kim, and others, but while they looked like Playboy cover girls, they could at least perform in the ring. Today, you got three. Beth Phoenix, Natalya, and Kharma, and Kharma is out pregnant while Beth Phoenix and Natalya lose matches they have no business losing. I’m hoping AJ develops quickly so we can have one more Diva who can work. Everyone else… if they got fired tomorrow, I’d have the biggest smile knowing that they can’t waste my time anymore and credibility can return to the Divas Division.
The “OMG Moment of the Year” award went to Triple H Tombstone Piledriving The Undertaker at WrestleMania, something that, if any legitimacy were in these awards, would have gone to Punk running off with the WWE Championship or the Superstar Walkout earlier in the year. But, being Mr. Boss’ Daughter has advantages. No wonder he cheated on Chyna! Why have legitimate love when you can bone the boss’ hot daughter and own the company one day?! Eyyyyyyyyerooooooollllllllllllll!
Trips talks trash about Nash. Next!
“Trending Star of the Year” had an interesting twist. It was a fatal four-way where the first person to trend on Twitter got the award. Not that I think it mattered.
Dolph Ziggler def. Zack Ryder, Cody Rhodes, and Daniel Bryan.
Oh my God, this match was a whole lot of fun on an entirely awesome level. All four didn’t have perfect mesh, but for a Raw match to go two commercial breaks and keep interest was something to behold. If you wanted great mainstream wrestling, this was the match you wantedto see.
Anyway, Zack Ryder won the award, but Dolph runs off with it after a sneak-attack. Sets up Sunday pretty well.
“Game Changer of the Year” was awarded to The Rock challenging John Cena to WrestleMania. Now, I’d have accepted it if one of the nominees wasn’t something else that shouldn’t have been nominated for something this fake. Edge’s forced retiring.
Now… I’ve criticized the WWE over many things over the years. Lackluster PPVs. The Divas Division. Devaluing their titles. The Divas Division. Piss-pour matches. The Divas Division. Their over-valuing of their inner circle of stars, such as Triple H, John Cena, Randy Orton, The Miz, and the like. The Divas Division. Throwing the fans’ emotions and opinions in their faces. THE DIVAS DIVISION! But the one thing I’ll always criticize them for and never apologize for is their use of real life situations in their storytelling.
Now, admittedly, this isn’t much storytelling, but think about it for a minute. The WWE is saying that, with this award, Edge being forced to retire due to years of compiling injuries working for their company, injuries that threatened his very way of life, and the WWE is saying that it wasn’t nearly as important as another WrestleMania. Someone lost their career due to medical reasons and you’re saying “Thanks, but something that hasn’t even happened yet, has had minimal impact on the company, and will have minimal impact on the company, is more important than you, an established multi-time World Champion, losing your career.” This is why I have no problems calling the WWE product complete and utter bullshit. I’m sorry, but that’s exactly what it is today. Bullshit.
Years ago, I went to an autograph signing for Edge’s new book when he just turned monster-heel after his affair with Lita, yet another example of the WWE exploiting real life situations. During my time in line, Edge laughed with, talked to, and appreciated all the fans. He loved what he did and this gesture by the WWE is not only a big middle finger to him but to all the fans who lost one of the company’s best. I do like watching pro wrestling, but I can’t stand WWE’s business or story practices at all lately. When the wrestling goes, I’m probably going too.
Alberto Del Rio & The Miz def. WWE Champion CM Punk & Randy Orton
A decent match that I can’t say much about. After the match, when Orton ran off after Barrett mid-match, Del Rio and Miz worked over Punk with a ladder. Miz got on the mike and was even more boring than usual. Funny… his mic skills got him to a WWE Championship and now they’re keeping him from won. Funny ol’ world, ain’t it?
“A-Lister of the Year” went to Snooki. Ugh. Well, competing in a match at WrestleMania will do that. Still think the Muppets were more entertaining, though.
Sheamus vs. Jinder Mahal went to a no contest because of a pre-emptive strike before the match.
“Superstar of the Year,” as supposedly voted on by the fans, went to CM Punk and was accepted by John Lauranitis. I’m sorry, but this guy’s just not interesting (Lauranitis). Seriously. If he’s supposed to be a super heel, he’s the most boring super heel of them all. On the upside, at least you can listen to him talk… if you can hear him. More than I can say for Michael Cole.
John Cena vs. Mark Henry ended in a No Contest.
Simply put, Kane returned with his mask and an iron helmet over it. Guess someone was playing Skyri… you know what? No! I’m making a stand! NO MORE SKYRIM JOKES! PLEASE! No more arrows to knees! No more Fus Ro Dahs! No more bastardizing dragons! NO MORE! These jokes have had less shelf life than GameCubes and duct tape jokes when the Wii came out! Seriously!
Oh yeah. Kane chokeslammed John Cena and a good time was had by all.
Raw was terrible. Five matches, one of them didn’t last five minutes, one of them didn’t start, and one of them didn’t end. Not a good showing, especially for a three hour show.
I give the December 12, 2011, Monday Night Raw… one and a half out of five stars.
WWE Tribute to the Troops fromFort Bragg, NC: December 13, 2011
The WWE had their second Tribute to the Troops show outside of the Middle East. This one was even in an arena so you couldn’t even tell you were in a military facility. I dunno… I still miss the use of an actual Iraqi or Afghan US military base for the backdrop, but last year’s outdoor event at a Texan base was pretty good too. This felt like another WWE show. Still, it's great that they do this for the troops and their families and they do deserve props for this. But with the recent pull-out of Iraq, I'm wondering how many more of these will be in the pipeline. I'd like to see it continue post-war simply for doing an awesome gesture. On the plus side, we got lots of matches to work with and they were pretty decent ones… for the most part. Let’s just get started.
We had the President of the United States, Barack Obama, give a special tribute to the troops via video, which was nice. Lilian Garcia sang the National Anthem, which was awesome. There were celebrities throughout the night with shout-outs or live performances, which was varied. The worst was George Wallace. It reminded me that comedy is a dead art today. Call me old-fashioned, but today's comics think just saying things in a funny way will make it funny. Either that, or they have to use excessive swearing, shout at the top of their lungs, or be offensive to certain sects so everyone else will find it funny. This is why I stopped watching Family Guy and Simpsons. It wasn't funny. It was just boring. He did say that in 2012 he'd give all service men and women free tickets to his show. Hopefully, the troops will have be able to find something better in Las Vegas. Nickelback and Mary J. Blige were just forgetful at best.
Okay, the matches.
Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett ended in a double count-out
It wasn’t bad and whetted the pallet for the pay-per-view, especially when David Otunga, interfering afterwards, got put through a table for his troubles.
Zack Ryder def. Jack Swagger
Good match, Sgt. Slaughter was there. He put the Camel Clutch on Swagger after the match for messing with him.
Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Alicia Fox, and Maria Menounos def. Beth Phoenix, Natalya, and the Bella Twins.
Yes, you read that right. A daytime newscaster won a match, even getting the pinfall. For crying out loud, WWE, keep the celebrities out of matches already! Just because it worked with Snooki doesn’t mean it’d work every time. Seriously, the Divas Division is already a pathetic mess and this doesn’t help matters.
Daniel Bryan def. Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes
Good match, ended with Booker T interfering. Good stuff, getting fans read for Sunday’s bout between he and Rhodes.
Primo & Epico w/Rosa Mendez def. WWE Tag Team Champions Air Boom in a non-title match
A good at geam match, I’m glad to see Epico sticking around, glad to see Rosa do anything, and glad to see Primo escaping Superstars and NXT. Spoiler alert, this won’t end well for them.
Sheamus def. Drew McIntyre
Wait, DREW MCINTYRE?! REALLY! AWESOME! Oh… he lost a virtual squash match… never mind, false alarm…
John Cena, The Big Show, & WWE Champion CM Punk def. Alberto Del Rio, The Miz, & World Heavyweight Champion Mark Henry
Basic six-man, but not bad. Hulk Hogan, I mean, John Cena, got the pinfall for the fans to go home happy, ending with a big thank you to the soldiers, rightfully so.
It was a decent show for the troops, but it was too celebrity-bogged in my opinion.
I give Tribute to the Troops 2011… three and a half out of five stars.
Friday Night SmackDown from Rraleigh, NC: December 16, 2011
Again, we’re just getting into it. It was considerably better than Raw, though. Joy, the status quo is back!
Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes def. Daniel Bryan
An okay match. Not as good as their previous two, but not bad. The point was to fuel the fire between Rhodes and Booker T for Sunday, so it accomplished that, I guess.
Alicia Fox def. Natalya
I gotta wonder if Natalya said or did something that’s causing her to job out to all the worthless talents on the Divas roster. The match stunk, end of story, WWE, get some new Divas STAT! Or better yet, don’t mistreat people like Gail Kim or randomly fire people like Melina.
Primo & Epico w/Rosa Mendez def. The Usos
It was basic. Next!
Big Show def. Jack Swagger
It wasn’t bad. Basic, but Swagger didn’t look like a shmuck, which I’m happy to have seen. What was fun, though, was seeing Mark Henry attack the cameraman afterwards. I love random violence in wrestling, don’t you?
Sheamus def. Jinder Mahal
It was quick and boring. Next!
Randy Orton & Zack Ryder def. Wade Barrett & United States Champion Dolph Ziggler w/Vickie Guerrero
A good main event that had some good spots. Cookie cutter, yes, but if the cookie is still good, why break the mold? Better yet, these four can work a match. While I still say Randy Orton’s ring skills leave a lot to be desired, he can still carry a match. Again, Ziggler does no wrong in the ring lately and Ryder has shown he’s deserving of his push by busting his chops through most of the match. And, of course, Barrett is no slouch in the slightest. I predict he WILL be a champion some time in the next year… it may be late in the year, but I’ll stand by that prediction.
I give Friday Night SmackDown for December 16, 2011… three and a half out of five stars.
WWE TLC from Baltimore, MD: December 18, 2011
Yeah, we’re covering Sunday’s PPV this time! I wasn’t going to, but when I was basically given it as an early Christmas Gift, I decided to hold off my blog to include it and try something new. After all, Sunday is the seventh day of the week to me and PPVs should be included when applicable. Let me know what you guys think.
TLC was another good pay-per-view with fun matches and a subtle hint of story, which I liked.
United States Championship match: Zack Ryder def. Champion Dolph Ziggler w/Vickie Guerrero to WIN the United States Championship
What an awesome way to start the event with an awesome match between two truly awesome superstars. Both were truly in sync and didn’t disappoint. The high points were awesome, the emotion ran high, and it was something you could truly enjoy. Just to add to the emotion, Ryder’s dad was in the crowd, hugging his son after the match. Good stuff.
WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Champions Air Boom def. Primo & Epico w/Rosa Mendez
Another decent match that wasn’t advertised beforehand. Good stuff, maybe a little basic, but it got helped with Rosa dancing pretty much the whole time… I’m gonna like Rosa at ringside, aren’t I? I hope this doesn’t end Primo & Epico’s push because I think they can be just as exceptional as Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne. Good match.
Divas Championship Match: Champion Beth Phoenix def. Kelly Kelly
Another unadvertised match. Basic Divas match… bad. Some of Beth’s moves were totally brutal looking through and I actually got a lot of joy out of seeing that happen to Kelly Kelly in-ring. Surprising finish though, as it wasn’t a Beth Phoenix finisher that won it. It was a reverse electric chair. Huh. Okay then.
Tables Match: Randy Orton def. Wade Barrett
An okay match. Barrett looked sharp as usual. Actually, on Orton… Orton looked darn lazy at some points. He just seemed like he was just going along for the ride.
Sledgehammer over a Ladder Match: Triple H def. Kevin Nash
As a Kevin Nash fan, I’m kind of bummed to hear that this may be his last match. Anyway, this wasn’t a bad bout at all. I’ll always say that Triple H is one of the most overrated wrestlers of all time and I think this match, combined with the match with The Undertaker earlier in the year, exposed him as such. Maybe that’s why he cheated on Chyna. She wrestled better than he could! There were some good brutal spots, but that ending got dragged out forever. I get it, the WWE wants to remind us that Triple H is a badass. You want to convince me? How about he makes his own matches more interesting. The match ended with Nash getting stretchered out for taking a sledgehammer to the face. Kayfabe, of course.
Sheamus def. Jack Swagger
Leading up to the Pay-Per-View, I was surprised that neither Sheamus or John Cena had a match. Well, backstage antics with Theodore Long and Hornswoggle fixed Sheamus’s issues. Decent match, Swagger came to show again, but the result was NEVER in doubt. I’m growing intrigued as to what the payoff for Sheamus is, though. Could it be that HE ends up with the match with The Undertaker at Mania? A better championship reign? It’s got me thinking.
World Heavyweight Championship Chairs Match: The Big Show def. Champion Mark Henry to WIN the World Heavyweight Championship
A quick match, but it got all the points out. While it was quick, I can’t say it was terrible… it just needed time. Then again, a long match between these two probably isn’t in our best interest. Big Show wins, Mark Henry brutalizes Big Show afterwards, and then… THE VALKYRIES ARE FLYING, THE DRAGON HAS LANDED, IT’S DANIEL BRYAN!
MONEY IN THE BANK CASH-IN FOR THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: Daniel Bryan def. Champion The Big Show to WIN the World Heavyweight Championship
Pinfall, awesome, rubs it in Cole’s face, and something that should have happened earlier finally happens. My only fear is that the WWE didn’t do enough to build him and sell him as a champion. That’s because of all the losses they threw at him over the course of the year. Ah well, we’ll see how it goes. If he can hold the title up until Elimination Chamber at least, I’ll be happy. I just don’t want him to end up like Christian and lose it on SmackDown the following week.
Interconeinental Championship Match: Champion Cody Rhodes def. Booker T
This wasn’t a great match, honestly. Rhodes looked sub-par tonight and the ending was just confusing. If they were trying to sell two earlier attacks on Booker T, they did a bad job of it. This isn’t the end of the feud, though, so we’ll see where it goes.
Tables, Ladders, & Chairs Match for the WWE Championship: Champion CM Punk def. Alberto Del Rio w/Ricardo Rodriguez and The Miz
TLC was just as good as Survivor Series, maybe even better. I enjoyed the matches in general and the new alignment for the titles are just about ideal now for me. If we could swap out Cody Rhodes for Dolph Ziggler for the Intercontinental Championship, it’d be perfect, considering the current roster.
I give TLC 2011… four out of five stars.
That’s it for me and Raw for THIS week just went off the air… and I need to watch it. See you guys Saturday! And be sure to look out for the return of The Back Stack and the first part of the Legend of Zelda Retrospective some time soon. Oh yes, and I’ll also do that Rocky & Bullwinkle review I wanted to get to for a few months now.
Cheers;
Graves
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